At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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