I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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