Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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