definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
