I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
