Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
