Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
