If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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