I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
