NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
