we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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