Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
