You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
