Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
