Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
