Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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