Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
