why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
