Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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