i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
