some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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