so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
