well I can't set my house on fire every night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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