I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
