In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
