Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
