Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I deserve this hangover.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
