New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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