im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
