i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
farters have to be the big spoon...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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