I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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