he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
