i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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