If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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