The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize