I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
