If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
