I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
