The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
