Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
