He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Congratulations! We have a period
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