Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
