She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
