Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
