did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
