4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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