Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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