How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
