My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
