Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
