Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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