one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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