Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
