where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
babies were throwing up all over the place
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
