The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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