I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
