New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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