Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
