I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
