Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
