I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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