I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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