She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
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I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...