I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
