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Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
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