Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.

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(618): View more from Illinois

The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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(416): View more from Ontario

that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture

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(661): View more from California

u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom

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(613): View more from Ontario

Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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(+81): View more from

I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.

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