I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza