The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.