I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
