Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.