She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake